harsh reality

 What It's Like When EVERY GUY I Meet Just Wants to Fuck

 I'm talking about the guys who are supposed to be my friend, the guys who I thought I could trust - they're the ones I cannot wrap my head around. Yes i can separate the friends side of this from the work side, which I am aware that not everyone can do, but that's the kind of mentality it takes.

 

 This may be hard to grasp for some, or just plain sad, but it really gets to a point where I am sick of it. Sure, I like to fck as much as the next guy, but damn... i have two points to make here.

 imagine this: if you're a car mechanic for a living, would u want to come home and work on your buddy's car? NO, probably not! just try to fckn be considerate and respectful because it will get u farther with me, and most likely other women u meet!

  and my second point: okay what if every single female u met only wanted u for all your money? 🤑💰 and simply, nothing more. didn't give a fuck about what u said... or how u felt. just wanted to hang out or whatever if she was benefitting financially? how would that feel?

like i've been in a couple of situations where i was crying and they did not care at all, they were just like, "okay so...we can still fck right?" like goddamn. have some self control dude. seriously!!

one of the hazards in this type of job, right? 🙄

my Wit's End

 

Lately…

March 2022

“Your past does not equal your future.” – Tony Robbins

How have I been lately? I have been trying to settle in still.. In the middle of a career shift. I did finish school :) so i am on my way to being a full stack web developer. And thats something I literally obsess over every minute of every day. ✨ but hey that just means i love it right?

So i cant help but kind of feel like i could give some background…some context maybe to my life? So i wasnt raped or abused when i was younger (sry if u thought that!) i have always been a free spirit with an open mind. Because i know what it feels like to be rejected and judged. I was a chubby kid in high school.. So i got made fun of. Wore the ‘gothic’ type clothing, a lot of hoodies and was very insecure - i know right? I got married at 16 yrs old to someone who was my outlet. my mom and i just didnt get along very well. we had very opposing views.

So, I've been married twice. I feel like almost everyone i have ever put any trust in has betrayed me, so it takes me a long time to trust someone new. There are two people who haven't screwed me over. and I talk to them frequently.

So, at age 19 I began using pain pills, within a year I was injecting them. At my very worst moments, I was injecting Opana. (What is opana? Oxymorphone is used to help relieve moderate to severe pain. It belongs to a class of drugs known as opioid analgesics. It works in the brain to change how your body feels and responds to pain.) Then, when I moved away from my small home town in Tennessee, I quit using pain pills and have been off of them since 2017.

Sometimes it takes a few times...

Hey just wanted to let u guys know that I'm still out here in Dothan!! And sometimes it takes a few times to reach me and successfully schedule an appointment with me but don't lose hope and keep trying!! I also wanna apologise in advance for any inconveniences or if i missed u.

🐕 Just got a new puppy and got back from my vacation in Colorado and I tend to get distracted or busy but I am taking appointments guys so call me!!

Identity Questions!

If someone wanted to really understand u, what would they read, watch & listen to?

I would say read anything about Introverts...listen to 

do u think of yourself as a human being or a human doing? do u identify yourself by the things u do?

Ohhhh! I love this one. So, no we arent defined by what we do. that's like saying our career is "Us" and i definitely don't agree with that! it does help understand our character or the things we like, but not WHO we are.

what musical artists have u most felt connected to over your lifetime?

Hollywood Undead had a lot of amazing influence over me when i was younger. it just helped me get through shit. music is a huge part of my coping skills!

describe your ideal day.

i would wake up right before daylight and watch the sun rise...stay relaxed and stress free all day, take a walk to a beautiful waterfall & feel the refreshing mist at the end as a reward. mhm... feel the wind on a country backroad in a 4 wheel drive truck at sunset..

would u rather be in Middle Earth, Narnia, Hogwarts or some other fictional world?

I would love Narnia!! To meet Azland. ;-)

do u love easily?

I want to say No, but y actions & reality say yes...i see the good in those who dont deserve it. and it sucks! it does cause a lot of complications and hurdles that i could avoid altogether!

list the top 5 things u spend the most time doing, in order.

check my email, browse random internet articles (research, informing things, ect..) take a shower, think, & drive.

could u live as a hermit?

Oh absolutely! with trips outside, being alone...never feeling drained by human companionship....Yes.

do u feel like your outside appearance is a fair representation of the "real you"?

Yes and i think it does for everyone...most of the time. it represents how they see themselves and thats what is most important right? but i mean our cleanliness, how we have respect (or lack of) for ourselves, our clothing...everything reflects our personality.

on a scale 1 to 10, how hard is it for someone to get under your skin?

 with a couple of exceptions, i would say that i am very considerate and let a lot of things slide. so its not very easy to do so! i'd rate it at a 3.

  So, there are just some of these questions i came across. i used to love doing questionaires! :)

stunning....i can leave u breathless

💙 simply irreplaceable ❤

  Well, what can i say about myself... you know, throughout all experiences, the types of people I meet (the judgmental, the jealous, the ones who don't know how to take me..) well I can honestly say that in my opinion, i handle these situations very well. I always stay calm and collected, i feel like i see the silver lining in all that I do. 😍

  The friends that I hold very close to me, I certainly appreciate them at a greater level. Those select few who stick around, and u know that also means taking every experience and applying it to your current situation! I am wise beyond my years and have learned so much. Nothing surprises me anymore & I always find the good in everything!! to me, that's living. 💋