spiteful exes

 

We have all been there, right? With that vindictive person trying to make your life harder? 

Navigating Spiteful Exes: Rising Above Toxicity and Finding Healing

Breaking up is rarely an easy process, and emotions can run high in the aftermath of a relationship's demise. Unfortunately, some individuals allow their bitterness and anger to manifest in destructive ways, turning into spiteful ex-partners. Dealing with a spiteful ex can be challenging, but it's crucial to prioritize your well-being and strive for healing. In this blog post, we'll explore some common traits of spiteful exes, discuss strategies for coping with their behavior, and highlight the importance of personal growth and moving forward.

Recognizing Spiteful Exes:

Vindictive Actions: Spiteful exes often engage in vindictive actions to hurt their former partners, such as spreading rumors, starting conflicts with mutual acquaintances, or damaging personal property. It's important to remember that their actions are a reflection of their own unresolved emotions and should not define your self-worth.

Manipulation and Gaslighting: Spiteful exes may resort to manipulative tactics and gaslighting to gain control or undermine your confidence. They might twist facts, distort reality, or attempt to make you question your own perceptions. Recognizing these tactics can help you maintain clarity and protect your emotional well-being.

Coping Strategies:

Establish Boundaries: Setting clear boundaries is crucial when dealing with a spiteful ex. Communicate your limits firmly and assertively, whether it's through written communication or with the help of a mediator. This will help protect your mental and emotional space, allowing you to move forward more effectively.

Seek Support: Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends, family, or even professional counselors. Talking about your experiences and emotions with trusted individuals can provide validation and a fresh perspective, enabling you to heal and grow.

Practice Self-Care: Engage in self-care activities that promote your well-being. Exercise regularly, engage in hobbies you enjoy, and prioritize self-reflection and self-compassion. By taking care of yourself, you can build resilience and maintain a positive mindset in the face of adversity.

Finding Healing and Moving Forward:

Focus on Personal Growth: Use the challenges presented by a spiteful ex as an opportunity for personal growth. Explore your own emotions, learn from the experience, and identify areas for self-improvement. This mindset shift can help you turn a negative situation into a catalyst for positive change.

Let Go of Resentment: Holding onto resentment only prolongs your pain and hinders your healing process. Instead, work towards forgiveness, not for your ex's sake, but for your own liberation. Forgiveness allows you to release the emotional burden, making space for new beginnings.

Embrace the Future: Finally, remember that your past does not define your future. Surround yourself with positivity, set new goals, and focus on creating a fulfilling life beyond the influence of your spiteful ex. Open yourself up to new relationships and opportunities, knowing that you deserve happiness and peace.

Dealing with a spiteful ex can be emotionally draining, but it's important to prioritize your well-being and rise above their toxic behavior. Recognize the signs of a spiteful ex, establish clear boundaries, seek support, and focus on personal growth and healing. Remember that your worth is not determined by their actions, and the power to move forward lies within you. By embracing self-care, forgiveness, and a positive mindset, you can overcome the challenges and emerge stronger and more resilient than ever before.

Well, what is breakup etiquette anyway?

When it comes to splitting up your belongings, you're going to need to decide what is "yours", what is "theirs" and what is "ours". Items that are "yours" are those that you had prior to this relationship or that are used exclusively by you (like your shoes) - "theirs" items would have the same criteria for them. You can absolutely ask and expect to get "your" items back as long as you are prepared to return "theirs". Items that are "ours" are much trickier - jointly purchased/used items can cause a lot of drama - so it's best to not let your emotions override your practicality. Those items should go to the person who is going to use it the most or best and has the capacity to do so. It would be a shame to take the BBQ out of spite if it's only going to sit in storage.

As for gifts, Judge Judy always rules that gifts do not need to be returned and that stands here with one exception: family heirlooms that were given contingent on the relationship lasting (like your grandmother's wedding ring) should be given back. A lot of people like to force-return a gift to make a statement. As much fun as it is to throw an expensive necklace back at your ex, maybe gift it to a friend or family member who would enjoy it - turning a negative into a positive is always the best option.

As for the timing and the logistics of the returns, making this exchange within the first 1-2 months would be ideal, so you've had some time to confirm the relationship is indeed over and (hopefully) emotions have cooled. When you get into the 3-6 months territory, it becomes a little harder to re-enter someone's life and makes you wonder if you really need those items that badly. If you deem it necessary, the exchange meetup can be a good opportunity for a closure chat, meeting at a neutral location like a coffee shop keeps it relatively friendly. Should you prefer to never see this person's face again, it's best to schedule a pickup/drop off time where your box is already waiting for you on the porch.

Should I block/unfollow/unfriend them on social media? Can I still interact with them on it?

Social media is like an entire second life with it's own set of rules. For some reason, blocking someone on social media is regarded as a near-blasphemous act, so, if you'd like to reduce what you see of your ex online, it's best to choose another option (like unfollowing, muting or limiting what posts of yours they can see), unless they're that rare breed of ex that is completely block-worthy.

If you choose to keep them around online, it's best to limit your interactions (liking, commenting, etc.), especially in the first few months, to give yourselves some space. If you are going to like a post, it's best to make it a universally congratulatory one (like a graduation or a new job), where there is genuine pride involved.